There was a crack

There was a crack in the wall,
a place to peek through
see into the crevices, and little rays of light showed through-
illuminating
There was a laugh
a giggle and a gentle remind
to come back to center
calm and focused
collected and thorough
none of those were ever you
you were an eager mover,
waiting only on a change in winds
to take flight, leaving to a new destination where no one knew you
and never would
because always you would leave before they could
sign of first light and you rise from the bed
dirty hotel room, stuffy, congested with too many moments, too many memories, bursting at the seams
You had to get out
hit the road
you didn't even say goodbye, or leave him with a note.
Desert, hot, these journey's are getting longer and longer
and its harder to fly now
what is this holding you down?
This cramping up inside?
An unfamiliar feeling, but you search down deeper, find your body knows, its ingrained
A burst of fear, adrenaline, panic and feeling lost
This isn't like you, to mess up.
It all is perfect, calculated and predicted.
Control, control, this is now all out of your control.
How do you get it back?
Do you let it go, rid yourself of the heaviness this new weight?
If you did, would you feel light again, or is that gone forever no matter what?
Factual, factual, you gotta stick to the facts
But the only thing you find familiar in this dry desert town
is the feeling of abandonment, seeping out of dirty forgotten mobile homes
and stranger's hollow eyes.
Hitch hiker's thumb and a ride in the cab of a truck, that won't let you get away
from this new unasked and yet to be accepted responsibility.
Grand Canyon ridges
Cliff ledges and dreams of flying off
and landing in the brown waters below.
Bathing in orange, and washing clean.
You don't want to bathe in red.
And you realize with a sinking feeling, this isnt the kind of thing you wash off.
You try to retrace to the moment where you knew in your head
that there was no leaving this time
no running away
This, finally, was going to force you to stay.